Confessions of a Chubby Chaser

Collectively, as a society, we decide what is culturally “beautiful” based on what we see depicted as sensual, sexual and beautiful on a regular basis. Maybe if there were more fat girls depicted within the sexual, sensual arena, it would help our culture accept fat sexiness as fact.

The problem doesn’t lie solely in the fact that women are emphatically encouraged to feel shame about their bodies and to “fix” them if they are not the required size or proportion; the fact is, people who are attracted to fat women (and men!) are shamed as well. If people aren’t allowed to speak up about their attraction to fat women and men, how are the “skinny slickers,” the “toothpick tappers,” the “bone bumpers” ever going to realize that not everyone sees it their way.

I have finally come out of the closet after battling with myself for YEARS… my name is Nikita Blue and I am a “chubby chaser.” I myself have wished I had softer curves and a gentler physique all my life. Even as a young girl, when I thought of sensuality, I imagined a voluptuous goddess with a soft face, tender eyes and a pouting smile. I dreamed that I’d be with a girl like that someday… or maybe even be a girl like that someday. However, my body was destined to be scrawny and diminutive my entire life.

As you might guess, I was never one to be particularly swayed by the media (largely because I grew up in a restrictive, Baptist home and we weren’t exposed to much media) or by my peers (I also had few friends, partially due to my lack of desire to “blend”). However, this desire – my sexual interest in fat girls and boys – was one that I immediately learned held great shame. Powerful shame. I still dated the boys and girls I liked – and I typically dealt with the discrimination through fights, defending my lovers’ body weight to insecure, often stick-bodied bullies of both sexes – but I never truly ‘fessed up about my preference for full-figured gals and barrel-chested men. I knew it was forbidden. When friends were gathered, divulging the dirtiest details about their sex lives and fantasies, I knew that my secret crushes and lusty daydreams would be scoffed at. So I kept my mouth shut and simply nodded enthusiastically, agreeing with whatever they said and whomever they admired, even if I could find no angle of interest.

For a while, I thought I was a lesbian altogether, since men with their musculatory systems hanging out at me held NO interest whatsoever. But I finally came to the conclusion that I just didn’t like those types of men. I wanted something more.

Once I finally came to terms with what I really wanted, I still kind of had a problem with the word “fat.” Why? Well, it’s obvious: people use the word as an insult, not a statement of fact. “Yeah? Well… you’re fat!” (It also seemed to be a word which “naturally” coupled itself with “ugly.” You don’t want to date Sarah’s sister; she’s fat and ugly. Fat-and-ugly. Fat-and-ugly.) Sooner or later, everyone gets the point.

But “fat” is not – and should not – be an insult. Some people are fat, some people are skinny… most people have fat – and, no, it doesn’t mean that those people should be terrified of diabetes or heart disease or whatever, for God’s sake. Breathe, and relinquish all concern for a person’s health to that person… and breathe… okay… now, some people are fat, some people are skinny, and most people have fat. (Also, lots of people smoke cigarettes and drink, but they don’t get dragged onto talk shows with family members who are “concerned” for their health.)

But because of the fact that I’d been fed the huge LIE that beautiful = thin for so long… and the equally-as-damaging lie that people who get turned on by soft curves or meatier muscles have something wrong with them, I have been in the closet with my secret for over 20 years.

I love ALL of the fat on my boyfriend’s body. I also love every follicle of hair, every square inch of skin and every powerful muscle.

And I’m not ashamed to tell you that I think fat women are HOT.

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About GoddessBlue

I'm a pansexual socialist feminist and part-time Theist; I'm a tutor and freelance blogger/writer and mess around with fiction in my spare time. I also like to whore around and I have a tendency to spank people.

Posted on March 23, 2011, in Body Image, Relationships, Sex, Sexual Orientation, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. For the record, I do love the voluptuous look and have struggled with my own skinny body image for years. However, I do have to say that I hate that our society totally sanctions skinny bashing while the PC police are all over fat bashing. How about body acceptance in general? Calling a girl a skinny bitch or anorexic looking or unwomanly is just as damaging and insulting as telling someone to “just put down the sandwich, fattie.” You describe yourself as “scrawny,” but I certainly hope that you don’t label the boyfriend you love a “bone humper” or “toothpick tapper” for being with you. Isn’t that just as bad as demeaning someone for liking a full figured individual? Preferring fat people does not mean that you have to bash on skinny people or vice versa.

  2. I completely agree. I have, in fact *recently*, come to the embarrassing realization that I had indeed been skinny bashing due to my frustration with society’s forced approval of thin women as automatically beautiful and “healthy” – and I have been lately making a conscious effort to slap my subconscious out of it’s prejudicial state whenever I sense it going there… when I start feeling disgust toward thin women, I immediately snap myself out of it and remember *why* I’m feeling this way. It’s the system I’m angry with, not the individual. “Snap out of it. She’s a person, too, just like you. Judging people is wrong, period,” I reprimand myself. So, I agree with you and shamefully admit that I have been susceptible to the prejudice you’ve suggested.
    However, in this article, I meant the terms “toothpick tapper” and “bone bumper” as ironic and laughable monikers that were intended to point out both the silliness and cruelty of attempting to label someone in a derogatory manner based on who they’re attracted to.

  3. Good god why aren’t there more people who think like you do.

  4. nice to know someone out there who isn’t afraid (any longer) to say hey “to each their own, so lay off” Bravo!!

  5. your story sounds so much like mine, I myself have always been skiny and even in modling. but from the time I was young I fantisized about eatting and feeding others and seeing “fat” people, particulary women arossed me. my two sisters were very skiny and beautiful and even as a child I was encoraged to look like them and be thin there waight came naturaly I had to work for and starve myself to be “thin and beautiful” my waight was on target but my friends,family, trainers ect, constently told me I was fat and anytime I thought of being the way I thought was beautiful “larger” I felt guilty I’ve never shared my feelings on the matter before but being in modleling and working hard to be ideal, has never made me happy I was popular in school, but I hated it. my limited group of friends always competting to be skinyer or have better hair or nicer clothes the demands were endless, I always received dirty looks if I ate more then a few bits and with a waight of 105 lbs at 5’4 being called fat was devastating. I was also shamed for my sexual preferance by my church and everyone I know because Im atracted to women, particuary the more curvy ladies I view them as strong and confident and truly sexy and beautiful, all the things I’ve been afraid to be. now Im married to a man deemed as “sexy” because he is thin and muscular, but my sex life is very boring because eventhough I love my husband as a person and I great friend, I recieve no joy from our sex life because he is a man, and thin. Im also 8 months pregnant with his baby but have had an aweful time gaining waight because I feel like people dont see me as beautiful or wont after I give birth and have waight to lose. its very sad to not be aloud to express yourself or feel beautiful in your own skin, I’ve desided to write a book about this because I bet there are alout of people who are forsed to try tobe “ideal” I being thin and ridiculed for that plus wanting to be larger have a good view on the matter from bolth sides it sucks to be “fat” because people call you aweful names but it sucks to be “skiny” aswell both hurt and I would love to hear and maybe use other peoples storys in my book because everyone should have the chance to feel beautiful and maybe if people read more about and learn about other people they will realize they arnt so alone and hopefuly my book with others storys and my own will help make this messed up world better or at least more barable. please feel free to send me your storys with a fake or real name if you’re confident. -thanks Email: born-2-achieve@hotmail.com

  6. damn i love fat women, chubby xl, xxl, xxxl and so on and so forth, its so comfortable and nice to hug someone and don’t feel bones, just soft cussion

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