The Depravity of the Pedicure

J. Crew’s recent ad for the latest $65 Coastline-Stripe Pullover and $8 Essie Nail Polish has gotten Fox in a frenzy. In the ad, Jenna Lyons and her son, Beckett, are shown laughing together with his pink-toed foot in her hand.  Clearly, Essie looks smashing, even on a rough-and-tumble toddler; the ad evokes warm feelings of family togetherness and the playful abandon that your children can inspire within you. But according to the ominous paranoid ramblings of Dr. Keith Ablow, boys who play with pink might as well chop off their weenies now to save on doctor bills later: “Yeah, well, it may be fun and games now, Jenna, but at least put some money aside for psychotherapy for the kid—and maybe a little for others who’ll be affected by your ‘innocent’ pleasure.” In his conspiracy-theorist tangent, he links Beckett’s playtime pedicure to “assaults on genuine emotion and genuine relationships,” the sexualization of young girls, “split-second Prozac prescriptions,” and — the old Fox standby: ethnic self-hate — making false claims to African-American heritage and, inversely, bleaching African-American skin in order to appear Caucasian.

He further claims that the fallout of this $8 Essie Nail Polish will include: the abandonment of all gender identity, the psychological turmoil of our entire species, a mass compulsion to “grotesquely amputate body parts” (an obnoxious and outrageous contortion of the sex-change operation procedure), female-on-female violence, a society that tosses out family in exchange for sexual gratification and refuses to serve in the armed forces, and, finally, the downfall of the entire human race.

So my question is this… what about all those girls who wear pants and baseball caps? Should we worry about the girls who aren’t painting their toenails, since they’re clearly just denying who they really are? Does it take just one pedicure to destroy a boy child’s psyche, or does this irreversible damage only occur after several instances? Can boys avoid psychological destruction if they use blue nail polish?

Keith… come on, now. Put your eyeballs back into your head and get a grip.

Why did they ever get rid of Glenn Beck? At least he would’ve made a frenetic flow chart for us to follow. Perhaps Mr. Ablow’s aversion to medication is rooted in the fear of his self-diagnosis… maybe a healthy dose of Prozac is just what this doctor needs.

About GoddessBlue

I'm a pansexual socialist feminist and part-time Theist; I'm a tutor and freelance blogger/writer and mess around with fiction in my spare time. I also like to whore around and I have a tendency to spank people.

Posted on April 12, 2011, in Body Image, Gender, Roles, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. So…I should be concerned then? My boys regularly get “pedicures” by their aunts and *gasp* even go as far as to paint their finger and toe nails themselves with markers.

    They do think girls look beautiful naked though…so maybe I’m safe LOL

    People get too worked up over stuff.

  2. I have never had a pedicure. It sounds like I am way overdue and should remedy this immediately. I grew up with 4 sisters and 3 brothers. We all played football, baseball, house, dress-up, dolls, tag, tea party, army, cowboys and all sorts of things that might be typically considered “gender specific” activities without worrying about whether boys or girls were playing. Kids should be allowed to be kids and not worry about externally imposed stereotypes.

  3. Will Spellman

    i think my mom made me gay by painting my nails when i was younger. oh god im such a terrible person!!!!!! lolz people are f***ing slow

  1. Pingback: J. Crew’s Toenail-Painting Ad Causes Pink Scare : Ms Magazine Blog

You got something to say? Put it here!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 151 other followers

%d bloggers like this: